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Have you ever just lost it...got to melting point and just yelled, cried, screamed, lashed out or just snapped in some manner? Did you see it coming? Could you have done anything about it?
If you're a human, on planet earth, then my guess is that the answer to the first question is an almighty YES...you probably didn't see it coming...or maybe you did, but you didn't know, or didn't have the tools to prevent it. I also think that in the current circumstances this may have happened more frequently than usual recently and has seemingly come completely out of the blue!
I'm sitting here, writing this blog at 5:30am because I am keen to tell you that firstly - you are not alone, secondly - stop beating yourself up about it...you're not made of stone and thirdly - I've got a bit of first hand advice to prevent it in the future and just as importantly prevent passing bad habits onto your children ... they are ALWAYS watching.
I don't say this to scare you, and I certainly don't want you to feel any guiltier than you already do. I say this to wake you up with a bit of reality. Our little people are constantly watching and learning from how we behave, what we say and do, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. Its scary yes, the things I see in JJ sometimes that I recognise as my own behaviour give me a real Homer Simpson "DOH" moment, but you live and learn. However, I also have the moments when JJ does something that fills me with pride because it's a seed I know has been planted from me or Nik; like I say, I won't beat myself up, we are human, but it is a constant reminder that even at 11 years of age, our little tribe are ALWAYS watching.
So, now that we have addressed the pressure of being a 24/7 role model (sorry), how can we address the meltdown issue and how does Basil Fawlty and a balloon fit into all of this?
For those of you old enough to remember, Basil Fawlty was a stressed out hotel manager in an 80's sitcom played by the legend that is John Cleese. He was constantly running around trying to please everyone, make everything perfect and stop things going wrong. For those who don't you NEED to watch this clip.
The result, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong and to the viewer...it was hilarious! Not so much for poor old Basil though! One scene springs to mind (see clip) shows Basil running around trying to keep everyone happy, getting more and more stressed out which eventually culminates in Basil 'thrashing' his car with a massive branch while shouting obscenities at it...every time i watch this scene, it reminds me of me (DOH!)...but it also reminds me that I am not alone. Conversations with friends also remind me that I am not alone, this blog is to remind you that you are not alone!
Think of yourself as a balloon (stay with me)...as you go about your day, week, month or year each little thing that gets on your nerves, or triggers you as the kids call it these days, is a little bit of air entering the balloon. Now, sometimes it is a massive amount of air that is easy to see, other times it is a tiny amount that is difficult to recognise...but it is always entering the balloon. At some point one of two things will happen, the balloon will become so full of air that it pops which results in a massive bang that shocks people, or it deflates, with a trumping noise that goes on a while. This is the stress, frustration, anger...whatever...that is building up in you, and if you don't release it then your going to pop or deflate! This can present as a full on adult tantrum...like Basil (the pop)...or the retreat into yourself that makes you want to crawl under a rock, give up and hide away (the long trump). Obviously non of us want to pop or trump, so here is what we can do about it.
As you go about your day, week, month or year (I say this because this could be a short term or long term build up) recognise what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Then, do something about it to release the pressure, release the air in the balloon. This could be in the form of; going for a walk, run, ride, the gym; talk to someone you trust will allow you to offload without judgement (sometimes the things winding us up are a bit unethical), sleep (sleep deprivation lowers tolerance levels), meditate, take a shower/bath, anything that you know helps you release some air from the balloon in a positive manner...just do it and do it as often as you need to to prevent the build up!
Now, before I finish I want to talk about the blockers with some of these techniques. Yesterday I felt myself starting to lose it, certain events through the morning where really 'triggering' me and I literally went into the garden, sat on my own and started to deep breath Wim Hof style. Nik and JJ came out when I was in the middle of it. I felt REALLY stupid, but i cracked on regardless because I knew I needed it. The result, I entered the house a new man..then went on to have a really nice afternoon and the issues that I came across throughout the rest of the day did not seem like the end of the world; the day could have gone so different, like they have before! Other blockers may be that you feel selfish or guilty for taking the time you need to sort yourself out...do not feel guilty...you need this time to support yourself in being what you need and want to be for you and for your family...they will benefit from the time you take too!
My parting note is this...you have to train your brain as you would train your body, don't expect results over night but if you recognise yourself in what i have spoken about here then please do make a start...TODAY! Then, when you have mastered it ( which I haven't by the way but I'm getting there) you can teach your mini people the art of preventing the pop. Having said that, you won't need to....they are ALWAYS watching!
Here is the video to accompany this blog :
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